How to Influence Without Authority

What if influence isn't about being convincing?

Leadership Skills for Real-World Impact

Think about the last time you tried to influence someone—and failed. Maybe it was your manager, a team member, a client, or even your partner. You had the facts. You explained your reasoning. The urgency was real. But still—they didn’t budge.

Why not?

👉 Because influence doesn’t start with speaking. It starts with listening.

In today’s fast-moving, hybrid, and often uncertain work environments, being able to influence without authority is no longer optional—it’s essential.

Hierarchies are flatter, teams are more cross-functional, and people are overwhelmed with competing priorities. In this reality, leaders can’t rely solely on job titles, reporting lines, or urgency to move things forward.

Whether you're leading a team, pitching a strategy, managing stakeholders, or driving change across your organisation, your ability to influence impacts everything—from decision-making and engagement to outcomes and relationships.

But here’s the challenge: influence isn’t something most of us were ever taught.

Why is influence so difficult?

When clients bring up influencing in coaching conversations, they often describe scenarios like:

• “I explained in detail why the deadline mattered, but they still delivered late.”

• “I backed my presentation with data, but they were skeptical anyway.”

• “They just don’t listen—too focused on their own priorities.”

What’s missing in these stories?

Fewer people start with things like:

“I sat down to first understand what mattered to them, to get their perspective.”“I explored their concerns, motivations, and point of view.”

Influence fails when we try to convince before we connect. Before someone is willing to shift perspective, they need to feel safe to listen. They need to feel seen, heard and respected. That’s where trust and active listening come in-not as a “soft skills”, but as fundamental leadership tools.

Shift your mindset: From convincing to curiosity

We often try to win someone over with facts, logic, or urgency. But humans don’t respond well to pressure—they respond to being seen and heard.

So let’s pause and revisit that last moment when you tried to influence someone.Who were you speaking to? What did you say or do?Did you first seek to understand them? Did you confirm their point of view? Or did you go straight into your perspective?

Now think of a time when you succeeded in influencing someone.What did you do differently? Were you more prepared? More attuned to their needs?Did you ask questions? Listen closely? Notice their body language?

Success has less to do with what you said—more to do with how you made them feel.

So… what builds influence?

Let’s make it practical. Here's a formula my clients find incredibly effective:

1. Start with the right mindset

Shift from “I need to convince them” → to “I want to understand them.”Ask yourself:

• What do I already know about them?

• What don’t I know yet?

• What’s likely motivating or concerning them right now?

2. Use active listening to build trust

Ask open-ended questions: what, how, when, who, where? Summarise what they say and play it back to confirm you understand their point of view (even when it is different from yours):

“What I’m hearing is that your priority right now is…”“If I understand you correctly, your concern is…”

This simple act of reflecting back makes people feel seen and understood and lowers defensiveness.

3. Look for the shift

Once someone feels truly heard, you’ll often see a change:

• Their voice softens

• They lean in

• They uncross their arms or make eye contact

That’s your moment. Ask if you can now share your perspective. With trust in place, they’re far more likely to listen.

What about when it doesn’t work?

Some common objections I hear:

“I don’t have time to ask questions—I need to convince them now.”Urgency can often create more resistance instead of results.

“I tried listening, but they still shut down.”Active listening, playing back to confirm (paraphrasing) all take practice. If you rush this step, trust hasn’t had a chance to grow yet.

“Playing back what they say is really challenging when I don’t agree.”

Remember: this is not about right and wrong this is about connecting, BUILDING TRUST and lowering defensiveness to open up to other perspectives from both sides.

Yes, there are other influencing styles…

Some people lead with vision, others with expertise, relationships, or logic. These are all valid. But whatever your style, influence without trust rarely sticks. And trust starts with how we listen.

Final takeaway

You can’t influence someone who doesn’t feel seen and heard.You can’t inspire someone who doesn’t feel safe.

In the end, it’s not about pushing harder—it’s about listening better. Because real influence starts with trust. And trust starts with listening.

Call to action

Imagine being able to influence anyone—with confidence and connection.Whether you’re leading a team, managing up, or navigating difficult conversations, this skill changes everything.

👉 Want to master it? Join our next leadership workshop where we dive into real-life practice and tailored coaching to help you grow trust-based influence that sticks.